Why do I get used in relationships?

Pleasing and appeasing comes from our childhood training.  Getting along and not making waves is taught from infancy particularly by our mothers.  As adults, we have difficult negotiations in life. At work, in our love lives, and with our families, we must confront, do hard things and be the "bad guy" at times..  

If you are a compassionate person, you may put your needs last and prioritize others' wants and needs. If you judge the level and severity of someone else's crisis as more immediate and worthy of your attention that your own needs, you have unconsciously subverted yourself. It seems kind, but can be a bad choice for your wellbeing. Loving people tend to empathize deeply with others. You feel others' pain and are compelled to relieve it. You see this trait as loving and good.  And it is. 

 At times you may feel slighted and left behind when you are in need yourself, because most people you encounter are self-oriented. You saw their issues and acted, but they will see your needs and do not act. So  people around you who complain and make poorer decisions than you are getting support and help, but you are often left to suffer alone.

In love you may find that your relationship favors your mate when it comes to making decisions on food, trips, money, health needs, and preferences. This bothers you. Why isn't it a 50/50 split?  You are a good person. A good friend. You pride yourself on offering a shoulder to cry on. But as the saying goes, "every good deed does not go unpunished," so you continue to clean up others' life messes.

This imbalance is common.  It is also not necessarily a communication problem.  You may be clearly and frequently articulating your needs to others, but if you are their caretaker, they often will not reciprocate and care for you. You have been cast in a role they don't want to upset.  Everyone loves to be catered to and their problems addressed by a capable person like you.

If you continue moving forward in this way, you may remain isolated and disconnected from others - particularly those around you who love you. You may be in an intimate or even long-term relationship, but feel strangely alone.  

The result is resentment begins building up.  If this course does not change, your most important and intimate relationship is in danger of infidelity and break up.

There is a way to remain loving and have everything you want in life!